v.one____that lovers make amends

2006-12-02T10:19:00.000-08:00

Moved. Comment to be added or email me at caramelle@gmail.com.

And yes, there is a vox blog in existence but i won't update there any longer because its layouts are crappy.

Take care everybody!
Love, naddy.

2006-09-25T20:56:00.000-07:00

WATCH THIS SPACE

May be moving to VOX.

2006-09-18T06:04:00.000-07:00

So I started work today. For the clueless, it's at Changi Airport.

I called Serene up at 8.10 this morning and went "EH, I HAVE A MINI BITS AND MINI TOONS AND BENGAWAN SOLO AND WAAAH, GOT COFFEEBEAN!" How ridiculous acting like a suaku about all these in front of a Malaysian. Throw face only.

I think my workplace is really huge and I have trouble finding my office. I'm also staggered by the tight security around the damn place and now they tell me I need to pose for a photo sometime this week so I can get my pass and be allowed into the transit area. (But then so sad, I'm not allowed to bring cigarettes out )):

Normally I'd complain because I've been having a fat ~~day~~ ~~month~~ ~~year~~ life but now that Terminal 2 has been upgraded, I CAN SHOP IN STYLE BEBEH! HERMES, GUCCI, CHOMEL, HERE I COME. Haha, wishful thinking lah eh naddy.

My first day was spent reading factsheets, media releases and the inevitable admin work. But they tell me I'll be writing for the CAAS newsletter and also helping out with events like celebrities coming in to entertain the passengers while in transit (can you believe I just missed INXS. Oh how sad.)): And I have two articles to be submitted by this week. I'm just really, really tired and I miss the boyfriend so damn much even though I just saw him yesterday.

Oddly enough, his dad called me up to ask how I was doing, how my day went, and to encourage me whereas the parental screeched at me on the phone the minute I called her. FEDDUP, I tell you. So fucking unreasonable.

So tomorrow's another day and someone's birthday and I have no idea what to wear. I have a total of... 5 office outfits. HAHAHA MAMPOS. I also have to go look for a cobbler because the rubber sole of my office sandals are wearing thin and I'm slipping all over the damn place. So tak glam.

And before I forget. I'm 2 hours early but...

Here's to cramming together only to find your name in an exam newspaper (with your whole bloody blog URL no less). From crying on your shoulder to forcing you to sit in one corner of the room while I do Radio all by myself because you're a kancheong spider. For being such an incredibly nice person and lending me money at no interest when I take taxi when I'm just a lazybum and you know it. Thanks for listening to me bitch, cry, whine and always being there (with your Malaysian Salem Lights cigarettes). HAHA! I sayang you lah babe. Happy nineteenth.

2006-09-01T07:03:00.000-07:00

I am too fucken sensitive for my own damn good.

One comment was all it took to spoil an absolutely lovely day. Granted, she did have a point but I have yet to learn to take criticism constructively and not personally. BUT FUCK. HOW THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF INTO THIS MESS? I feel so defeated and I haven't even started yet! I hate to finish shit that I've messed up halfway damnit.

Okay this is the part where I stop being so bloody weak and become angry. Stop being so weepy Nadiah, stop being so emotional Nadiah just bloody stop it. I'm so sick of myself. UGH.

I hate my boyfriend's work hours.
I hate how fucked up I feel.
I hate P Diddy's dance moves in Come To Me with Nichole Whatshername.

BUT.

The mental image I have of you making silly bunny ears with your hands last night was the only thing capable of making me smile all day. <3

Ok, I'm bored. Pulai trip this sunday! :D I'm going to miss him badly but I think I need time away anyway.

2006-08-27T10:11:00.000-07:00

"How on earth did I get so jaded,
Life's mystery seems so faded.

Little out of touch, little insane,
Just easier than dealing with the pain." Soul Asylum 'Runaway Train'

I'm on autopilot until the day's over.
Until the week's over.
Until the month's over.
Until the year's over.
Until my life is over.

When you're fed up with too many things in your life, seem to have no sense of direction and it seems that too many people hate you - what do you do?

Perhaps its PMS, the lack of chocolates and boyfriendly attention but I feel extremely bitter and so bloody jaded. All I want to do is finish school and then curl up into a ball and recuperate.

An even more wearying thought is: "What if I remain this tired and jaded for the rest of my life?"

Life seems monotonous, mundane and terribly pointless.

P.S. I'm back. I think. Heh. :)

2006-07-18T03:12:00.000-07:00

"Wah, attend han's bday party never attend mine. And why is mum's fridge missing? Have you sold it off??"

I am fed up but I've just realised that stupid people are going to misinterprete what I write and continue bombarding me anyway. It's like, "Hey, I don't really know what I'm arguing about and I think she has a point but to save face, I'll just be out-of-point and continue arguing about something I don't know anything about. Besides, nobody knows it's me."

I haven't felt this frustrated since I met that stupid person who just went 'Yah!' after I proved my entire argument against her (inside joke, don't bother).

So how did the entire argument come about? Well, you see, after my tag, some idiot tagged and asked why I should be bothered about my mother's fridge going missing. Uhm, hello? You win points for the Stupidest Question of the Year. To top it off, she brought along all her 13 year old mat friends to help her terrorise the tagboard.

Firstly, unless you know Liy and I VERY WELL, I suggest you stay out of it. Whatever I said was an inside joke between me and her. A few weeks ago, we were so broke, we [jokingly] discussed selling things from our house (like our computer monitor) to get a bit of cash. Now, my sister understands the kind of person I am and that statement coming from me would have been okay. She knows I don't mean it. It's just the same like how I take offense when people I barely know call me big-sized but it's alright for Serene to (lovingly) call me fat.

So why are you people so fucking angry when my sister and I are on speaking terms? I just spent sunday with her listening to her wail about her very muddled lovelife. Use your brains. She's my sister. Yes, we do have our disagreements - but how can we not when we're so different? There is sibling rivalry especially since we're both media students but beneath that, I know she loves me and I love her. We've had our fair share of blogwars in the past but we both agreed to never fight in public anymore. There's no need to 'rescue' her because I'm the first to leap to her defense if any of you dare speak bad of her.

That being said, I fail to see how my sister is the victim when my innocuous tag was twisted, making me seem like I'm some sort of evil, calculative sister who comes home and checks all her belongings to make sure Liy hasn't sold them off. Even though it turns out the fridge is at the new house, if it had transpired that Liy indeed had sold it, I would have 'pakat-ed' with her and told my mum it was stolen by thieves or something.

I am extremely weary of this whole made up 'family feud'. It's a mountain made out of a molehill and if anyone's been victimized, it's me. I'm not going to reply there anymore - not because I am cowardly (how can I be when I am the only person actively tagging and not hiding behind an online persona) but because I want to lay it to rest. I didn't write this entry to be defensive but really, most of you blindly fired without even understanding the circumstances that went with it.

I find the whole matter absurd, childish and incredibly stupid. You're all welcome to continue arguing about the bloody minifridge and whether I was insulting my sister (!) but you're all on your own. I have to submit my advertising sales promotion this friday and I still can't believe I wasted so much time.

Thanks for defending me, baby. <3

2006-06-16T13:50:00.000-07:00

Continued.

So as you all know, I straightened my hair for the big day. Or rather, Serene straightened my hair for me amidst my shrieks of pain and laughter. Of course, she did threaten to burn my scalp if I didn't shut up. I've got a picture of mum with the mak andam but I think my mum would kill me if I posted that up.

So that's me underneath all that hair before being styled.

Itchyfingered me had to try on my mum's veil.

Please admire my gown. It cost us $400 each. And I dieted for 3 months and starved on the day itself to fit into this.

My sister in her gown. Hers has a short jacket. Cute!

Serene my hairstylist. I put eyeliner on for her despite her vehemant protests of 'ONLY MINAHS WEAR EYELINER'. *fumes* Cheebai, like that everyday I look like a minah la?

Us in the cab on the way to the Singapore Swimming Club. Serene looks different, don't you think?

We reached there early so we decided to sit by the pool and wait for the reception to start.

Guess who came? Joline Lee Wei Qi, the Tian Qai.

More friends came to join them.

My sister and I were bridesmaids.

My parents on the dais. I've never seen my mum lovelier.

My sister giving a speech on the children's behalf, followed by the bride and groom.

After the food, we camwhored.

Yeah, Syed looks like he's grabbing me. Gross.

My favouritest person in the whole wide world. Mwah!

I've never been to a wedding more beautiful. I'm glad my mum's happy. And yes, I did cry during the wedding. How could i not?

Note: Yes, I realise there are pictures missing but these are the only pictures I have. Pathetic, I know. If you want more pics go to my sister blog. You know where to click!

2006-06-11T20:53:00.000-07:00

Too busy rushing Advertising Analysis so here are some pictures. And for crying out loud, they're not edited. I straightened my hair for the event.

Got this off my sister's blog. Go see it for (slightly more) pictures since we're both busy. Heh.

Me and my sister.

Me with flowers. Okay slightly scary, I get it.

Us at the VIP table. THANK YOU HAKIM for sticking your head in and spoiling the shot. BAH. -shakes fist at screen.

Okay. Will update again later tonight. Stay tuned!

Joline and Serene, if you've got anymore can you please send them to caramelle@gmail.com? Thanks!

2006-06-07T22:37:00.000-07:00

2 more days to my mum's wedding!

Tomorrow, the henna artist is coming. Tomorrow, we're getting our outfits.

I. am. so. fucking. excited.

Quoting my sis, "How many of you get to attend your mum's wedding?"

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Oh yeah. Happy one year, one month you stinky boy.

2006-05-17T10:04:00.000-07:00

Life's pretty good if a little hectic.

I've just finished this week's radio capsule, advertising and I've only got to ask Feefi if she wants to be my partner for this week's Media Law Assessed Tutorial. YAY. I FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED. NOT.

My diary for next week looks like this:
Monday: EPM presentation, WISP skit where I act as a "Refined Malay girl who gets hit on" (that was written in the description I shit you not).
Tuesday: Literature Review
Wednesday: Ad Analysis
Thursday: Radio Capsule
Friday: Whatever that needs to be submitted for Advert workshop.

Ptui. It's no wonder I'm running myself ragged. But lunches with Serene, Yihan and Syed make me happy to come to school.

I finally met my darlings after so long! Clubbed at Phunk Bar with them and then bumped into Denise, my sister, Erin and Hid. Omg, Mass Comm Outing! Fun, fun, fun! Can't remember much except we were trying to run away from this black guy who was coming on to us stronger than his body odour (which reeked to the high heavens).

And yes, I'm rambling but OH MY GOD, it's only three weeks away to my mum's wedding!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH! I CANNOT WAIT I CANNOT WAIT I CANNOT WAIT. But I still have some more weight to lose if I want to fit into my kebaya. I WILL BE PRETTY, I PROMISE. And my mum's lost so much weight, I can hardly recognise her. I'm happy for her. She's finally found someone who'll take care of her. :)

We're fine and he's alot more tolerant, understanding and tender. I'm contented with life right now. I wouldn't ask for anything more, but just don't take anything away. :)

PS. Spoke too soon. Could You take MRM and Advert away? Thanks.

2006-05-11T03:54:00.000-07:00

And she returns. Heh. Sorry I haven't been updating. Too caught up with school and advanced radio is driving me mad what with having to book the DAWS and having to fight with the year 1s and 2s for it. -sharpens claws.

Soo, if you're really slooow and haven't realised, it was my one year anniversary with Alfie last sunday.

I think everything was worth the hassle when he entered his room and I saw the expression on his face.

Yes, I'm a romantic like that. Rose petals, scented candles and slow music. Sigh.

And then we started making heart shapes and silly stuff out of the petals like this.

Oh. And then we started camwhoring like crazy.

Until he got distracted, that is.

Heh.

So the past few months have been pretty shitty to say the least. What with having to start school and finding problems with everyone including him, it's no wonder I took a hiatus. We were both ready to end it and I just wanted to throw myself into my schoolwork. But we talked and we're much more... affectionate now. It's almost like it's the first month all over again. =)

Maybe we won't last forever. I can only hope we will because only time will tell.

But in the meantime,

I love you Alfiean. Happy one year, baby. Here's hoping we'll see yet another year through.

2006-04-12T10:47:00.000-07:00

I WAAAAAAANT.

2006-04-11T23:17:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the sparse updates.

I keep logging in and writing only to frantically jab backspace because I'm scared I'm gonna hurt people.

Theboyfriend and I are... surviving, to say the least. Is this relationship worth salvaging? Yes. Are the problems we have solvable? Not exactly. Till then, I'm just hanging on.

It hurts too that a year ago we'd only started dating (of course, not knowing the idiot still had an on-off girlfriend) and I'd posted this picture up of us. And all of you messaged me saying how cute he was and what a nice smile he had and whether he had any cute friends. I don't really like to look at this picture anymore. I look so young and hopeful and naive, probably still harboring silly ideals of love in my head.

One year later, I've grown into someone so jaded and detached from everything, it's frightening.

I keep getting hurt these days because people around me aren't censoring their words before they say something. Maybe I should stop being so goddamn sensitive but I can't help feeling like a doormat.

And you, I doubt you'll know it's you I'm referring to anyway but I think you've taunted me far enough. I don't know why you're doing this anyway especially when I'm on good terms with your girlfriend. I dislike conflicts or confrontations of any kind but believe me, I will bite back if provoked and I'm not exactly in a good mood these days.

I ought to go cook something. This one-meal-a-day diet has helped me shave off about 6 to 8 kg but I quickly start gaining if I let up. And what with my lurking PMS, I'm prone to feeling sorry for myself and holding a chocolate bar to my mouth and shaving off curl after curl with my teeth till it's all finished. It's kinda therapeutic, actually. Almost as good as fags. Almost.

Ah yes. Before I end, I forgot to post these up. They were taken almost a month ago actually. Excuse the boyfriend's effeminate pose. He's quite confused sometimes. Heh.

I love you so much but why do you make it seem like we're impossible sometimes? Will we see a year together? I hope so.

Lost the mood to club. Ngeh.

2006-04-06T03:19:00.000-07:00

This song sums up quite alot of what I'm feeling...

Letoya Luckett - Torn

Verse 1:
A part of me wants to leave you alone
A part of me wants for you to come home
A part of me says I'm livin a lie (and I'm better off without you)
A part of me says to think it through
A part of me says I'm over you
A part of me wants to say goodbye
A part of me is asking why

1st Pre-Chorus:
A part of me wants to leave
But a part of me wants to be here with you
and everytime I think that we're over and done
you do something that gets me back lovin you
and you got me just torn

Chorus:
Torn in between the two
Cause I really wanna be with you
But something is telling me that I should leave
You aloneeeeeeee (leave you alone, leave you alone)

You got me just torn in between the two
Cuz I really wanna be with you
But something is telling me that I should leave
You aloneeeee (leave you alone, leave you alone)

Verse 2:
What hurts the most is when we started out
It was cool it was everything that love’s about
But something happened
Cause I’m feeling so burned out
Becuz I can't understand you now
(I just can't understand you noooowwwww noooooooo oh)
A part of me says it’s all my fault
A part of me says he aint’ what you want
A part of me says to get my bags
A part of me says I can’t do that

2nd Pre-Chorus:
A part of me wants to leave
But a part of me wants to be here with you
And everytime I think that it’s over and done
You make me fall back in love
You got me just torn…between the two

Bridge:
So many times I, I was ready to go
So many times I, had my foot out the door
So many times I, I thought to give him a chance
Thought he’d be a better man
Now I’m sitting here and I’m so confused
Cause I keep fighting myself for you
I don’t know how much more I can take
But I can’t feel this way
You've got me so torn..

I'm told that people using Firefox can't see the entries or hear the song. Haha, too bad. I'm too lazy to fix that now. Use IE or Avant Browser!

2006-03-21T11:48:00.000-08:00

Not looking forward to anything. Least of all this friday. I'm miserable and only a few friends know why. You'll find out soon enough though, don't worry. And then we can all laugh at me and what a stupid girl I am.

He and I? Not so good. We talked things through and we seem okay now but our problems still aren't solved.

He asks 'why would [I] want to stay in a relationship for ten months when [I'm] not happy?'. Well duh, I would think the answer was blindingly obvious. I still love you. But I honestly have no idea how we're going to make it work anymore.

Sometimes I wish I were strong enough to let him go because I think it's the only way he'll ever truly be happy.

P.S. Going on a hiatus while my fucked up life gets back on track. Don't tag please. He reads this blog too.

2006-03-16T01:57:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry.

I know I've disappointed everyone - again.

&if you think I have no remorse - I do. There is no one I hate more than myself right now and there is no one I am more disappointed in than me.

I'm not asking for sympathy. I just want to be left alone.

2006-03-12T23:26:00.000-08:00

What did I get myself into?

2006-03-11T22:51:00.000-08:00

Guess what he gave me for our ten monthversary?

Aaaawww.

He pulled it out from behind his pillow on Thursday night and when I started cuddling her, he snatched it away because he forgot to remove the price tag. HAHA. We're calling her Cocoa because the two dogs I gave him are called Mocha and Biscuit.

I'm having Oreos with peanut butter and I am chatting to my boyfriend online even though he is next to me. I'm afraid he's rather addicted to the net now. Pfft. Me senses neglect.

Okay I have to go drag him off the computer now. Seeya guys.

2006-03-10T08:51:00.000-08:00

Dear "Sam",
Let's just say that religion is a personal matter between me and Him. I am well aware of my actions, contradictory or not. And leave my parents out of this, thanks.

On a good note:

Alfie has just gotten himself a new laptop and is now connected to the Internet so hello, sayang! *waves madly* Here's to many nights of chatting to you online! I love you! Mwah! He's performing 'Moondance' and 'One sweet day' tomorrow at NUS. Don't know what to wear. Sheeet.

My wisdom tooth has started growing. I. Am. In. Pain. Sob.

Mummy has given me her blessings to go to KL with Alfie. Probably with Serene, Lik and maybe Ming and Juan. Seperate rooms, of course. Hahahahaha. Mummy only allowed him to go because I pointed out it wasn't safe if we went to KL without someone to protect us. Then she pointed out that he was semput (asthmatic) anyway and wouldn't be much use to us. HAHA. My mummy is cute but she is starting to nag because she wants me to lose weight for her wedding. She scolded me the other day because I drank grass jelly. Nyeh. Grass jelly only what. Now that I'm at home, I eat one [frozen] meal a day. Because I am a lazy slart who is too malas to cook.

BUT it's good because I have lost one inch around the waist. But then I think I put on another two on my thighs. And probably my arms. Wobble wobble wobble. Gross. I'm aiming to lose ten kg by May and I need to lose another eight.

I know. Why am I not utilising the damn reservoir when it is right outside my house kan. Because I know for a fact that there are soccer players training there in the evenings and I don't want them to see me sweating and jiggling all over the place. So tak glam gitu.

Okay I have to go pick out an outfit for his performance. Which means that we're going to have another fight. How fun.

(And you know that by of course I actually mean not really).

2006-03-06T08:45:00.000-08:00

[[ john legend // don't you worry bout a thing ]]

It's that time of the month and I can't wait to stop pms-ing. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm crying over every little thing. I feel like a fucking crybaby. I cried when we said goodbye to Nek Aji, I cried in public on Saturday night because I felt that we had too many problems and I didn't know whether we could even make it work.

HELP. I AM AN EMOTIONAL BASKETCASE.

I'm alot more affected by the termination of our religious classes than I thought I'd be. Nek Aji has been teaching us since my sister was four so that's like what, sixteen years already? I'm closer to her than I am my own grandmother. Every Sunday without fail, she'd give us sweets even when we told her not to because me and my sister are too old to eat sweets anyway. She saw us through katam-ing the Quran, she came to my maternal grandparents' funerals, she saw us grow up.

When my mom told her on Sunday that it'd be the last lesson, she cried. She cried, for heaven's sake. It was heartbreaking. When we saw that, me and my brother started blubbering and the tears wouldn't stop flowing when it dawned on us that it'd be the last time we'd ever see her come to our house on Sunday mornings. She hugged us all and kissed us and told us to keep our faith in Islam strong. I'm going to miss her so much. Okay, I have to stop writing about her, I'm already starting to tear.

My uncle died today of heart failure. He was only 46 years old. He's way too young to leave. He's leaving behind my aunt and three cousins who are aged 14, 11 and 9. I saw my aunt howl in anguish when the doctor announced the news. I knew they were very much in love - a rarity especially when you hear so many stories of parents sleeping in seperate bedrooms.

I feel so sorry for my cousins. I held each of them as they cried. They're extremely well-behaved kids and I don't know what needs to be done now. Maybe we'll help out with their pocket money or something.

I think it's true what Alfiean says: Bad things happen to good people. Life is such a shit sometimes.

2006-03-02T04:03:00.000-08:00

[[ truth hurts // addictive [remix] ]]

Clubbing last night was a much needed and much deserved break.

We went to our usual haunts - O Bar and Phunk Bar. I tried getting in Dbl O but the bouncer was extra vigilant. Their age limit is 20 but on Thursdays, it's lowered to 18. What, you mean 18 year olds are more responsible on Thursdays? So silly right.

Alfiean went to Dbl O with his classmates. He surprised me in the club, the silly boy. We were in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by a group of sweaty, gropey guys and when I looked up, he was standing to the side grinning at me. Of course then I shrieked and uhm, jumped on him. I think that's the first time he's ever carried me. He says he almost snapped his back. =( My boyfriend thinks I'm fat. How sad.

Eh okay enough talk and more pictures. If anyone says anything else about me being fat I'm going to kill you and then eat you, I swear.

Us at Far East Plaza

All dolled up and ready to party, we camwhored like crazy while waiting for the taxi. Eh, that rhymes! I'm such a genius, omg. (I know you're rolling your eyes at this, Syed).

Serene & Ming // Serene & Maria // Me & Maria // Maria & Ming

In the Club

Serene & me // Maria & me

Ming & Maria // Ming & Maria // Ming & Maria
(Eh. Why got so many pictures of the two of you together ah? Pui.)

Haha, yes I do realise that the flow is a little disrupted but we got carried away in the middle and forgot to take pictures. Hurr. This one's the last and yeah I was caught mid-sentence. I think I was asking Maria why my face looked so big compared to hers. Heh.

Okay, it ends here. FYI, my friendster is [FINALLY] updated. Go check it out if you've got the time.

2006-02-26T00:21:00.000-08:00

You complete me.

2006-02-20T07:49:00.000-08:00

[[ musiq // you love me ]]

So. Fucking. Sick.

Can't stand this. My fever is still raging, I've got wracking coughs which led to throbbing headaches and a runny nose like a leaky faucet. Goddamnit.

Went to see the doctor and she gave me medicine for my cough, phlegm and fever. And all three make me drowsy. So it's like a triple whammy which has resulted in me sleeping the whole day away.

How to study for Media Research Methods and Advertising like this, sial.

He's down with the exact same thing as me. I think we kind of counter-infected each other because he was sick last week and while he was recuperating, I got sick. And because he wasn't full recovered yet, he fell sick again. What a bummer.

Oh god, I'm starting to get sleepy again. Girls, are we still on for MS this wednesday? Because unless you girls get here and fuss over me tomorrow (insert shameless grin), I don't see how I'll be well enough for wednesday (nudge nudge poke).

Ok I better go before I fall asleep on the laptop again.

2006-02-18T07:45:00.000-08:00

[[ black eyed peas // dum diddly ]]

Saturday night and I'm home, subbing an article that's quite beyond redemption.

I am down with a bad cough, phlegm, fever and my asthma's acting up. And wouldn't you know it, suddenly all my inhalers have gone past the expiry date. Cheebai. It's like they're conspiring against me. I'd use the boyfriend's, but he's at work/saving the world one McDonalds call at a time.

But he's been taking care of me and he's so nice to me when I'm sick. Iheartmybooboo.

Hahahaha, wouldn't you know it, my media player is playing Destiny's Child's Lose My Breath. HAHAHAHAHAHA, HOW APT FOR AN ASTHMATIC.

I find it bloody funny that my mum is clubbing at MOS right now with my stepdad. She asked me whether Alfie and I wanted to come along. HAHAHAHA. YEAH RIGHT. BE SEEN WITH MY PARENTS AT THE COOLEST NIGHTSPOT IN TOWN? NOT BLOODY LIKELY. My mum is cool but there's a limit to everything. Though she did bring me and my sister to HRC when I was 14 and then we danced on top of the podium in front of her. Madness.

She's bringing me to the doctor tomorrow. :) I hate being sick.

Was bloghopping. Yeah, I guess it's cool to hate your parents, you angsty poser. Pft.

2006-02-16T09:38:00.000-08:00

[[ pussycat dolls f. will.i.am // beep ]]

Sacrilegious? I beg to differ. The boyfriend cooked a very nice and expensive dinner for me on Valentines and I gave him a stuffed toy which he adores, has nicknamed 'mocha' and has cuddled to sleep every night since then.

Were we using Valentines Day to mask our 'lust and thirst for sex' as those who celebrate have been accused of? Not at all.

It was a day for us to express our appreciation and love for one another though I agree that we shouldn't limit this only to Valentines Day. Is it considered a bad practice for us to show appreciation when we do so every day through prayers to God? Of course, one has to be responsible when celebrating but really, don't make an issue about it when there is none to be had.

And if you're thinking of preaching, try removing the plank out of your eyes before you pick the splinters in others.

2006-02-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

I'd normally lash out because everyone's been through some form of heartbreak by the age of 17, but I have too many things to finish so I can go attend that Valentine's Day dinner zee boyfriend is cooking for me. And also because I don't want to say that the only thing my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's Day is the fucking flu.

Which is another story altogether. The poor darling has been so sick and grumpy. I think us going to town on saturday was a bad idea because it only aggravated his asthma and fever. But he was much better this morning when I kissed him goodbye. Hurr. I hope he likes my V day gift. He was up all night trying to figure out what I got him.

Ok I am typing this at the convention centre and I just burped in Serene's face and she looks damn disgusted with me. HAHAHAHAAHAHA, SERENE LOO, WO AI SI NI.

Okaylah this entry is damn pointless. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! Spread the love everybody! Oh, and do like Serene and use condoms. Ribbed ones at that. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

2006-02-06T04:31:00.000-08:00

I have so much fucking work to do but I can't concentrate till I blog.

I'm feeling abit down because I have no idea what needs to be done for Media Research and I am begging Syed to take the time to explain it to me later. Ohmygod, why did I miss that part in the brief for Media Management that says that we need to make a print or radio ad? MORE STRESS.

I'm also starting to get a little phobic of coming home late at night after that fucker at the bus stop tried to force himself on me (long story and I'm tired, message me personally if you want details).

"Your boyfriend won't know."
"Yes, but I will," I retorted.

After reading about that Clementi Monster (so close to school some more), I'm starting to think men in general are not to be trusted.

Am running out of my one vice. Can't type much because I know relatives may be reading this.

Oh yes, mummy has just announced the wedding is set for June 10. I had hoped it would be sooner but nevermind, March 31 would have been a bit of a rush anyway. We're having it at the Singapore Swimming Club because my mum fell in love with the ballroom there. It's going to cost $50 per head and she says I'm not allowed to bring my friends (something I'm going to actively petition against once I have the time). We're going to get bridesmaid dresses! And the men are going to wear suits. SO ANG MOH RIGHT. Whee, can't wait.

I miss my friends. Maria, you poo. No call, no club, no message. I ARE SAD.

Oh, the boyfriend just messaged saying he loves me. All is well. For now.
Yes, I'm easy to please like that.

2006-02-02T18:39:00.000-08:00

Bad fucking day and it hasn't even started yet.

We booked a cab to bring us from Woodlands to Shatec (which is at Bukit Batok) and then Clementi cost me $23. That asshole of a taxi driver stopped the meter when we reached Shatec and started it again without me knowing when he was sending me to Clementi.

So this was what I paid.

Basic fare $2.40
Peak hour surcharge $1.00
Booking fee $4.00
Ride from Woodlands to Shatec $6.00

Basic fare $2.40
Peak hour surcharge $1.00
Ride from Shatec to Clementi $6.00

Total $22.40

FUCKENTAMADECHAOCHEEBAININNABEIKANINANANANANANANANAAAAA!

That fucker said it was my fault 'cos the booking was only from Woodlands to Shatec. I so badly wanted to flip the finger but then I was brought up to respect my elders blah blah blah. I feel like writing in to the taxi company and complaining except that I am malas and have too much homework to do.

It's so fun seeing all these 'O' level students coming to the MCM booth and saying they want to join mass comm because it's 'glam' (hey, they said it). And then you ask them what they think mass comm is about and they say "Oh, it's about communicating". PHWOAR. AS IF IT TOOK A GENIUS TO TAKE THE WORD 'COMMUNICATION' OUT OF 'MASS COMMUNICATION'.

And half the time they speak broken English. I'm sorry, but if your English isn't good, you can't really expect to do well because we mostly write here in MCM. Even when we do Advertising, we have to write proposals. When we're shooting a demo show for TV, we have to write the script AND a proposal.

And when I say that they should get a portfolio because it would give them an advantage over others, they wrinkle their nose at me and say "What's that?". It irks me when people think it's so easy to get in mass comm. It's not. First you have to meet the cut off point for your L1R4. Your English needs to be above a B4 though most of us hold distinctions. Then you have to go for a written test which tests you on your current news (though I remember one of our questions was "Which one of the Spice Girls did David Beckham marry?". HAHA!). And if you manage to pass everything, you have to go for an interview with our lecturers whose hobbies seem to be making students cry for the fun of it.

Mass Comm is fun if you have the passion for it. But it isn't easy. We're training to be journalists, PR people, broadcasters, anything to do with the media and it's a cutthroat business. We're bitchy but we have to be in order to survive.

Okay, I don't know why I just wrote such a long entry on MCM. HAHA. Half the time I complain but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I'm waiting for Serene to come out of class because that nehneh is taking too long.

MEDIA RESEARCH METHODS SUCKS BALLS. Am meeting zee boyfriend later, whee!

I miss my friends. Maria, Joline, Fana, where have you guys been? Meet up soon, I need some loving already. :(

2006-01-29T02:04:00.000-08:00

He's asleep in my bed now. Teehee, he looks so cute. 1 hour more before I have to wake him up to go to work.

Uhh okay I realise I haven't updated in a long time and that's simply because there's nothing to say. Me and him are good, I'm coping with school (for another 20 days, whee!), I'm not looking forward to the internship and working under Miss High-and-Mighty. And uhh, yeah, that's it.

Okay my mum just came into my room and asked me to make Milo for him.

Happy Chinese New Year everybody! [And yes Joline, that means you too. Happy eating pork and collecting money day. (Inside joke, don't ask)]

I feel like I'm functioning on autopilot. At least until school closes. Please let it be over soon.

2006-01-23T05:58:00.000-08:00

Feature writing is doing my head in. WHOEVER SAID FEATURE IS EASIER THAN NEWSWRITING OUGHT TO BE SHOT. I think I have writer's block because I've been trying to come up with a witty headline for the past 2 hours. Oh, and I can't come up with a standfirst either. And did I mention that the total word count in my story right now comes up to about 172 words? Only another 1000+ to go. RAWR. FEATUREWRITINGSUCKSBALLS. -shakes fist at screen.

He says I'm allowed to trade in the Nokia 6260 he gave me and get the Louis L'amour Limited Edition one. You know the ones with the swirly brown flowers? Gorgeous, I tell you! But then I don't have the heart to trade the 6260 in because of sentimental value. Ngeh.

Will be manning a booth with Mr R and Sarah during the NP Open House. We'll be talking about some enterprise thing even though it has no relation to mass comm and I know next to nothing about it. But nevermind, I get CCA points! And exemption from class! *does a happy chicken dance*

I miss you baby. Wish I could have talked to you on the phone today. :(

Uh okay, back to feature writing because I am sub-editor and I have to act like I'm responsible. Hahahahaha.

2006-01-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

I am a happyhappy girl today.

We went grocery shopping today and he bought us steaks, chopped spinach and some garlic butter spread. And then he wheeled me around in the shopping trolley while we shopped some more. I've never allowed the guys I date to carry me because, uhh, well, I'm too heavy but oh how liberating it is to be dating someone bigger than you. Then we went back to his place where he and his dad cooked me one of the nicest steaks I've ever eaten in my whole life and no, I'm not saying this because I am his indebted girlfriend.

This culinary skills diploma is working out pretty well. He made this Italian food called Sparzley or something like that which is basically made up of parmesan cheese and it just melts in your mouth. Yum.

But I think I spoiled his mood because he was extremely attentive and loving and he asked me to stay but I told him I couldn't and then the mood was lost. No more kissing my forehead or hugging me in the lift.

So now I'm at home, a little confused and bewildered but no matter. Nothing Gelare ice-cream or cookies can't fix. And yes, it is called bribery.

P.S. I GOT THE INTERNSHIP TO CHARLTON MEDIA! WHEEEEEEEEE!
P.P.S. I don't know what to do for Valentine's Day. =(

2006-01-19T06:48:00.000-08:00

I have to stop being so bloody sensitive.

2006-01-16T05:23:00.000-08:00

I cooked spaghetti with alfredo sauce today and as usual I cooked too much. Not that it doesn't taste nice, understand but this is not helping my waistline which has been steadily diminishing with the emergence of Alfiean in my life. I still have half a plate left. Not good, Naddy.

I'm listening to the Backstreet Boys. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SIAK AH, HOW BLOODY KENTAL WERE WE, MAN? Omg. And to think my favourite Spice Girl was Baby Spice.

I MAY be getting an internship with Charlton Media but uhh, writing for a business review magazine is err, really not my forte. But no matter, beggars can't be choosers and given the alternative which is being a cashier at the boys brigade, this job is heavensent.

I miss him so much. Ooh, okay I just got a missed call from him. Cheapskate.

2006-01-15T14:54:00.000-08:00

It's a bittersweet feeling.

Syed and Yi Han are going to be the editors of Hype and Tribune respectively. I'm so ashamed. When Syed first broke the news to me, you know what was my immediate reaction?

"AAAH. MORE BAD NEWS. I'M GOING TO SLEEP."

After which, I promptly blocked him and logged off. But we're okay now. We talked last night on MSN and you know what? He has more faith in me than I do.

"You gotta try in life. You know, I think if you had tried out, you would have gotten hype."

I could have wept. There I was visualizing getting a mini Syed voodoo doll and imagining all sorts of ways to pluck a strand of his hair and all the time he's sitting there thinking I'm a better writer than he is.

So here I am, scared as hell for my internship. We've all heard horror stories of how some mass commers get cashier positions or have to work with the boys brigade. I wouldn't mind if it was for 2 months... but six months would be torture especially if I didn't enjoy my work. Oh God, thinking about it makes me dread it already.

But Syed says that that way, I'd have to be the best cashier the boys brigrade can get. So maybe I should take comfort in silly things like these. Maybe I should stop being so uptight.

Two of my closest friends whom I love so dearly and they beat so many other hopefuls who wanted the roles.
Congrats guys, I'm proud of you. And I sayang you guys like mad.

2006-01-13T20:37:00.000-08:00

Nothing much to blog about except that I find the whole Xiaxue, Sandra, Celly VS. Blinkymummy and Xialanxue feud extremely fascinating.

Better than Days of Our Lives, I tell you. Hurhur.

2006-01-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

A Model In The Making!

We weren't supposed to use her at all for our photoshoot (whoever heard of an eighteen month old model?) but she's so adorable we couldn't help snapping a few pictures.

Say hello to Sara everybody!

She's growing curly hair! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME. I've spent my whole life wondering why in the name of hell I'm the only one in my family to have curly hair and out pops another curly-haired one! YAY!

I'm so happy. =)

2006-01-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

Skipped class today because I feel so goddamn sick.

My fault I guess for taking my sister's herbal slimming tea. My stomach has been churning like a washing machine since yesterday, I keep rushing to the toilet and I vomit out everything I eat. So gross. Alfie says it's because my body is detox-ing. But I've taken many kinds of slimming pills before, gone through all kinds of crazy diets and my body has never had such a violent reaction like this.

Somebody help.

2006-01-05T05:04:00.000-08:00

Stress, stress.

My lawyer interviewee has let me down when the deadline for my article is tomorrow. So now I am trying to bug my editor into letting me use his lawyer cousin but his lawyer cousin can only reply me tomorrow. And also, it is quite possible that he gave me the wrong email add to reach his lawyer cousin because the email bounced, bounced, bounced, bounced (sorry, fatty koo song, lol).

WAH MAD RUSH. I HATE RUSHING FOR DEADLINES, PUI.

We used my cousins for our Chesdale commercial today and bloody hell, Sara, who is almost 2 years old seems to be growing curly hair. I don't know if you guys know this but I'm the only one with curly hair in my family and NONE of them look remotely like me. I have found kinship with a two year old! YAY! Pictures of my cousins coming up!

I returned to school (after a so-called study break of 2 weeks which turned out to only be one week because we had to go for make-up lessons), and during lecture, Serene and Ming showed me some nasty bruises and insisted that I bit them while I was high during our clubbing session. Eh, excuse me you horny rabbits. You guys just got lovebites from your boyfriends and then anyhow blame it on me. I am such a victim. Sniff.

Maria insists that the only way to stop me from biting people is to lick me on the forehead (which was what she did. I'M SERIOUS!) And Ming says I flicked her top up in front of everyone at Phunk. Omg. Haha. And alot of people tell me I burn them with fags too while I'm clubbing. I think I'm hazardous when I'm high. Wait, I haven't inflicted any pain on Mabel yet. HAHAHAHA C'MERE MABEL. Okay that sounded scary.

p.s. 8 month anniversary this saturday but we're both too broke to celebrate. Sob sob.

2006-01-01T06:56:00.000-08:00

A year ago to this very date, I was at Hendrix with Maria, Azlitah, Keshia, Charlie and Fiona. We danced to Nina Sky's Oye Mi Canto 5 times because that was what all the clubs were playing. And me and Fiona kinda stood around sheepishly when all the couples were kissing as they counted down to the new year.

I was miserable, having just gotten out of the relationship with browneyedboy and I was still extremely hurt by what he'd done. But I vowed then, watching all the public displays of affection around me, that I wouldn't let him change my attitude on love. I'd find someone I could truly love and be the best girlfriend I could ever be.

And I think I've pretty much accomplished that because I've found love in the form of this bugger. And my life pretty much revolves around him now.

I'm not going to be proud and say that our love will last forever. But I'm so very thankful that despite me not being a model Muslim, perhaps God took pity on me when I was crying all those months trying to get over browneyedboy. And he gave me someone else whom I love more and who loves me better.

SO. In Shazzy style, I'll end this entry with pictures taken from this year. Enjoy.

So. Goodbye 2005, hello 2006. May it be a more fruitful year than the last. Happy New Year everybody!

2005-12-28T22:54:00.000-08:00

I love my girlfriends. They're the best friends anyone could ever have and it's a wonder I've found such loyalty in people who belong to such a bitchy course like Mass Comm. Pft.

We went to Phunk Bar yesterday. We got in free because the bouncer recognises me by my hair. AND MY SISTER HAD TO PAY TO GET IN. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -does triumphant chicken dance.

Last night was full of 'Omg, did I do that?' conversations but as Davina McCall would say, 'Everyone's so busy cocking up that they don't realise yours'. But I do have a conscience and my conscience tells me to tone it down.

I dreamt about the boyfriend's ex the entire night. So odd. It wasn't a bad dream or anything. We were somehow in a room, maybe hers or something, and we were both sitting down on a bed and she was trying to tell me something but couldn't because she was crying too hard. I don't know what that dream meant. I don't know if it's just gibberish or whether it's a sign. Very very odd. And I've been bothered about it the entire morning.

I haven't seen him in four days now. We're not arguing or anything. It's just that circumstances prevent us from seeing each other as much as we like. Are we strong enough to deal with this? I honestly don't know. Being together for close to eight months must constitute for something right? I can only hope. I hate it when it seems like we're not going anywhere. And I hate feeling this way - emotional and so fucking needy. Maybe it's the PMS talking.

I'm having cramps. So bloody painful. Bah.

2005-12-25T08:27:00.000-08:00

Hello. I am very tired, very broke and I am pissed because I still have eyebags despite it being my holidays.

I think I am the grinch in disguise because I don't like Christmas. Not because I'm antisocial like that but because I'm always bloody broke around this time. Let's see... Leslie's birthday on the 22nd of Dec, Christmas pressie for Maria and let's not forget that my sister, father and boyfriend all share the same birthday on the 31st of December. DAMN SUAY, CAN.

I think I'll have to mortgage my house and live in a cardboard box next to the road.

But... Maria darlink, I know you are pissed because I had to miss your party to go to stewpidhead cousin's lame ass birthday party but I bought you something purty to soothe your ruffled feathers okay laling? Istillheartyoumanymany.

Oh yes, speaking of stewpidhead cousin's lame ass birthday party, she turned 21 today so I had to see all the other cousins of my paternal family whom I so abhor. Anyway, I hate my tudung cousins. They're so boycrazy they make me sick. One cousin keeps egging me on and asking me whether I go out with boys. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, STUPID, WHAT DO YOU THINK? That we correspond through email? Pigeon mail? Smoke signals?

Then she has the nerve to look through my handphone and take down numbers of boys so that she can 'berkenalan' with them.

Oh please.

Idon'tknowwhattogetAlfieanforhisbirthdayohwoeisme.

2005-12-22T09:15:00.000-08:00

Lovebite. Concealer. Voila.

2005-12-20T17:09:00.000-08:00

Alfiean says there is one thing characteristic of Cancerian girls. They may shower you with love and unending affection, but one thing you'll have to deal with is their insecurity.

How very true.

No, this isn't yet another mushy post. What I'm trying to say is, I'm not going to try out for the Hype Editor post though I very much want to.

Perhaps part of the reason lies in the fact that my sister was once the editor of Hype.

Trying out for editor and then not getting it would only confirm that she is better than me. I don't want to bruise my ego. It's not her fault she's smart and beautiful but I've suffered so many years from an inferiority complex already and I have no desire in dredging up the past.

But gosh, how fun it would be to be editor of the campus magazine. Editing articles, sending and re-sending them back to your already harassed reporters. Barking at your photographers and having to go out on stories and being able to tell people/interviewees/people who want you to do reviews on their stuff that you're the editor of the campus magazine. HOWFUCKINGFUN.

Sigh.

So good luck Yihan and Syed and Sarah and whoever else is trying out. Syed and Yihan, I'm rooting for you guys. Don't let me down.

Go get 'em, tiger.

I'm so sad.

2005-12-17T12:58:00.000-08:00

Today was nice. =)

2005-12-16T07:52:00.000-08:00

When in class and bored as hell, enlist Tammi as your photographer and camwhore.

I don't really like the next picture of me, but I think I look alot like my grandmother in here.

Much love to Tammi for the pics.

p.s. I HATE SCHOOL.

2005-12-14T17:36:00.000-08:00

2005-12-12T03:34:00.000-08:00

He's moving house (yes, again! RAWR.) and the new one's huge. It's got like 2 halls (one of which is supposed to be just for me and him). In addition to that, we've also got one of the master bedrooms and our own toilet and we've got our own entrance to the house. SO COOL RIGHT.

He's even talking about getting us a rabbit. A widdle baby one. Awwwww. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait. But something he said today almost made me cry today. It isn't anything bad but I'm going to have to do something about it. :(

School + Work = Very haggard Nadiah. Shazila commented that I look very "thin but tired". Which is true I guess. I've lost 2 kg (not that it shows, mind you. My legs are stumpy as ever.) Today, he said I look old. Yes sayang, but that's because I'm juggling school, work and you and I'm about to go mad okay. Patience, darling. This will all be over very very soon.

Speaking of Shazila... I bumped into the tetek queen yesterday at Bugis and she was like ...

"Eh, *tugs at my skirt* why you wear such a short skirt ah, wait I tell Alfiean. Wait, I introduce you... *points at friends* That's friend1 and friend2. *touches me on shoulder* Eh, so you want to go clubbing with us at Momo on Saturday not. *takes hand away* Where you going ah? Ah, so you coming not to Momo? *grabs my hand* Eh, tengok kau nyer kuku. Oh. Eh, so you nak gi Momo tak ni?"

That woman is so distracted. Hurr. Lub yoo Shaz.

2005-12-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

For people who bitch.

Here's the dealy, yo.

You have some nerve to talk about how I look when you resemble a whale. And yes, laugh at my hair all you want with your friends but I WILL NEVER conform and rebond my hair just so I can look like you/everybody else.

Theboyfriend.

I was at MACS, rushing my media research methods assignment, feeling extremely exhausted and miserable as hell. He'd been sleeping so I didn't dare disturb though I did crave the company. Just as I was finishing up, I had this funny feeling and I looked up and there he was! He strode over to me and kissed me on the cheek before whispering in my ear "Happy seven months, baby..." And then he kissed me again. And again. And again.

Aww, very sweet right?

EXCEPT THAT IT WASN'T OUR ANNIVERSARY LAH WA LAU. So, while I am touched he remembered that our anniversary was nearing, I can't exactly be happy because he did get the day wrong after all. Ngeh.

So it's our seventh month anniversary and I get my first testimonial from him. And it's 3 sentences long. -.- He has an attention span the size of a fly.

But. I miss him terribly. And I finally get to see him tomorrow, yay! We're doing really well now. He's a lot more affectionate. And patient. And more tolerable too. I r heart alfie.

Work.

Has been a total shit. I receive numerous rejections and get hung up on all the time. BUT. I have received a proposal (come to think of it, it sounds more like a proposition for sex) and two job offers. Syed's jealous 'cos nothing like this ever happened to him when he was working there. Nyeahahaha.

School.

Won't say much. It is driving me mad which is why my hair may be falling out in clumps. For the past 2 weeks, I have slept a total of less than 25 hours. But this weeks a little easier with time for us to catch our breath. Vernon A and Jay Aye from 987fm are coming down to be our TV Prod guests next week so I'll be sure to get pictures. I can't believe they'd be so nice as to come down all the way for us even if we're just a student group. Aww.

IAP soon. Do I self-secure or let the school choose for me? 6 months of working as an intern is no joke. :( And I'm not looking forward to it at all.

2005-12-04T20:10:00.000-08:00

To the relative who [may] read this:

My sister and I don't appreciate you telling your mother about whatever we may write on our blogs and then have our mother worry about the content in it. My mother was bloody worried, do you know that? AND HOW UNNECESSARY WAS IT IN THE END, HUH?

Keep out of our business AND STAY OUT.

2005-12-04T09:07:00.000-08:00

I went to EskiBar to complete an assignment for Feat Writ.

We huddled together for warmth, it's a freaking -2 degrees in there!

So while I chatted with the waitress, the boyfriend mingled with the guest DJ to ask what kind of music they played, etc.

He really likes the Sleeping Polar Bear.

Yumyum I love his smile.

He attempts to copy my winking picture.

And fails miserably. (I like his hair! He looks so much younger now!)

Nyeahaha. He's been proving himself surprisingly useful these past few days. He even doubled up as my photographer last night and even went to look around for people to interview.

7 months this Tuesday, baby! We've long passed your benchmark for short-term girlfriends. And I'm planning something really special for your birthday this year. It's taking a hell out of a lot of me but you're more than worth it.

2005-12-03T21:21:00.000-08:00

Far East with the girls. We threatened to send Maria back to the Philippines if she didn't join us clubbing. HAHA.

On another note, after 6 months of pestering, haggling and wheedling...

The boyfriend has cut his hair! And dyed it red! OMG, HE'S SO CUTE I THINK I HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM ALL OVER AGAIN. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I HAVE A HANDSOME BOIPREN AND YOU DONT NYEAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Um. Yeah. Heh.

Anyhoos, pictures of me and Alfie at EskiBar coming up! :D

2005-11-28T07:52:00.000-08:00

Hello huge amounts of schoolwork. Hello waking up at ungodly hours in the morning to lug yourself to Clementi when you live in Bedok. Hello cliques, I wonder who you'll make an outcast this semester. Hello staying up all night, typing furiously, to meet a deadline. Hello project members conspiring against you. Hello backstabbing and bitching in peer evaluation forms. Hello lecturers who are probably reading this. -waves.

Oh how I've almost forgotten about you.

I predict a shitload of work and unhappiness this semester. It's only the fifth week of school and I'm ready to kill myself. The only light in the gloom is our two week break.

It's good to be a mass commer. NOT.

2005-11-26T09:36:00.000-08:00

It's not a case of me loving him better than you could because frankly, I feel you could control him better than I can and besides, I can't cook to save my life (he keeps comparing, okay!). But we're good, thanks. And more importantly, thank you for the gesture. :)

I had fun today going to the computer exhibition with the boys.

AND YOU KNOW WHO I BUMPED INTO ON THE WAY THERE?

OMG. Only the boy whom I had a crush on since I was a prepubescent (and still breastless!) 8 year old. He's so handsome and resembles Rob Thomas so much now I feel like crying. He was a Haig Boy and I was a Haig Girl and we used to play catch in the bus and he once gave me a ruler that he won during his Sports Day (which I still keep but please don't tell Alfie) and whenever we played blind man's buff, he'd grope around with his eyes shut and then feel my face to see if it was me (which was quite stupid since we were usually the only two on the bus other than the bus driver) and that is possibly the most romantic thing that could happen to an eight year old and I've just realised this sentence is four sentences long, oops, make that five and I haven't even placed a full stop which would quite possibly fail me if this was Feature Writing which it isn't of course but anyway, oh yes, I was supposed to end this sentence, haha. FULL STOP.

Whew. Kinda ran out of breath there huh?

Wah lao. Why wasn't I smart enough to try something then? Menyesal-ing now won't do me any good. :(

Oh yes, let us all please laugh at Syed who is going to sell me his router (which he has just bought TODAY and dragged me and Yihan to the EXPO for) at a loss of $27.50. Smart move, dope. NOW MOVE OVER AND ADMIT I AM SMARTER THAN J00! N00b!

2005-11-22T08:27:00.000-08:00

I'm sub-editor of the team (YAY, I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE SUB! Okaylah, I know editor is a higher post but being editor means being accountable for if your group screws up and I don't want to take that responsibility.)

Suddenly I'm really motivated to go for class tomorrow. Yay yay I jadi sub. =D

2005-11-20T23:13:00.000-08:00

Hari Raya Pictures!

Okay, so where better to start than to show you what food we had. That's lontong, lodeh, sambal goreng, paru and serunding in case you've lived in Outer Mongolia all your life and didn't know better. Please notice the lontong because Alfie cut all 36 rolls of lontong and he even stacked them (he didn't do such a good job on that one though 'cos they kept collapsing).

A nice view of the dessert and my longkang, thanks to my brother, the pervert.

We stacked tables out in the garden. (These are my brother's friends. They're pretending to be shy but 90% of the pictures had them in it. Stupid 14-year-old camwhores.)

We rolled carpets out on the concrete outside and ate in true Kampong fashion.

People started arriving. (Spot the old school picture of me and win a packet of tissue paper!)

They ate and were merry.

And when they had their fill, they rested. (Second picture's the one of The Virginity Bed - named by Maria, Yihan and Syed. My mum intends for her children to get married on it. I don't exactly know HOW but I don't exactly understand my mum anyway.)

While the kids played on the swing in the garden. (That's the front garden by the way, there's another at the back - much nicer actually but stupid Hakim didn't take any pictures of that one)

My sister's colleagues paid a visit...

While my brother goofed around with the camera. That's Harris by the way. He calls Alfiean "Abang Afyang". Hoho. So sweet.

My sister's ex/thingy/bf (she's undecided about his status, see) dropped by because they wanted to compete with Alfiean and I. Whatever lah eh.

The food was finishing...

So people started leaving. Okay, so they aren't exactly leaving. But got less people, okay. OKAY? Geez, you guys are anal.

Okay. So that sums up Hari Raya for us. Now message me and tell me my house is pretty. Oh shite, I forgot to show you guys upstairs. AHHH, CRAP. Another time lah eh, I dah penat. Heh.

2005-11-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

I'm too sensitive and you're too nasty-tempered. But we'll be okay.

Pictures of Hari Raya coming up!

2005-11-19T22:26:00.000-08:00

Feeling pooey so I'm going to sleep it off.

You've the distinction of being the only man who can fill me with total happiness. And yet give me so much misery.

I feel like I've been on an emotional rollercoaster ride for the past 6 months. We're well reaching the seventh. Is this how it's going to remain? I may be patient, but I'm only human. And I'm tiring.

Like the song goes: It takes two, baby. I can't run after you all the time.

2005-11-17T05:08:00.000-08:00

I just found an email Alfie sent his ex (the one who's a cancerian) recently and wah lao. He talks about me in it and it's so sweet and it made me all teary and now I want to sob and wail because my boyfriend is the best and I don't appreciate him enough.

Oh yes. On to more serious news. You know that backache I've had for so long? I've just returned from the doctor and he suspects a slipped disc. So that's the motherfucker that's been giving me so much pain. I haven't been able to bend my back for almost 3 months and its excruciating to get up from a seat. Following up on treatment would mean more kaching and alot more MCs from school but I'm so behind already and I don't intend to miss any more.

Plus, I'll have to work doubly hard because I have to change whatever impression the lecturers might have of me already. I'll prove them wrong, just like my sister did when everyone thought she was some bimbo.

HAHAHA. I FEEL SO MOTIVATED. Makes me feel like going jogging or something.

2005-11-16T08:05:00.000-08:00

Hello fellow schoolmates. Many of you have expressed concern and disapproval at me cutting so many classes.

The truth is: I HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR ALOT OF TIMES BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY BACK. I'VE STRAINED IT BAD AND I HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR AGAIN TOMORROW BUT I'M STILL COMING TO SCHOOL AFTER THAT.

Okay? Okay? I know that I haven't been in school. I know that the lecturers are concerned. Do you think I take MCs and not realise I haven't been in school? Do you think I don't have to explain to the lecturers? I do, okay and I've had enough and the last thing I need is you telling me that I haven't been in school (WOW, TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW). I'm catching up on projects the best way I can and I'm feeling very rushed what with the new job and everything but I'll get it right. Just give me a while and I'll be alright. OKAY?

Back to advertising and back to you shutting-the-hell-up. Thanks.

2005-11-16T07:13:00.000-08:00

I'm at Macs now doing my work and secretly eavesdropping on the couple of minahs next to me. I'm also secretly ogling at them because they're quite pretty.

Minah A is giving minah B advice and giving all sorts of theories on love.

"My feet are still on the ground. but he's up in the air something something something it happens to the best of us something something no matter what age something something love is something (hand gesticulates wildly at this point)just something. if u wanna give all the time something something and not take thats not right..."

Actually, she's pretty eloquent. TAPI PUNYERLAH DRAMA. Wahahahahahahahahaha!

Why on earth does everyone say I'm a drama mama when I don't even talk like that? What she's saying rings true I guess but it's more the kind of thing you'd read in a diary and not expect to overhear at a crowded McDonalds.

I just shared the conversation with Maria and she says:

love, love, love says:
-_-
love, love, love says:
do your work

Partypooper. Hmph.

2005-11-12T19:59:00.000-08:00

Oh God. I had the most exhausting Open House ever. God, please don't give my mother any more ideas about holding another open house. One a year is quite enough, thanks. I haven't even fully recuperated and the mother made me carry a bloody steel bench okay. My. Fucking. Aching. Back.

The boyfriend came over to help mother cut the lontong, move benches around (pics sooon!), place carpets near the garden and eat her sambal goreng. Tiring okay. I had to clean up my pigsty of a room (Oh, and I even had the time to stick shells onto my mirror by myself), do 3 laundry rounds, wipe the bloody cutlery (enough for 180 freaking people) and alot more but I can't remember any of it because I'm too tired.

So night time came and the boyfriend went off to wear his baju kurung. Complete with kain samping! And he wore black to match with me, so walking curtains wish was granted. OMG. What is it about men wearing the full baju kurung outfit that makes me want to jump on them? Do any of you Malay girls feel that way? I don't mean the selenge baju kurung top with jeans, slippers and sleeves rolled up to their elbows. I mean the whole songkok, kain samping and chapal thing. It's more of a turn on than men in uniform. Odd.

Anyways, the evening passed on pleasantly enough except for when we fought and he almost left but then we went to the reservoir to have a smoke and talk things through. The boyfriend came over at 5 am in the morning after work and now he's sleeping on my bed. I'm kinda surprised the mother allowed him to sleep over but ah well, it just shows she must like him. Which is a good thing, yes?

Pictures soon, I promise. School tomorrow. Exploring Contemporary Issues. Ick.

2005-11-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

" I am eating eating eating like there's no tomorrow. There isn't. Not for fatties like me."

- Saliha

Oh God, don't I feel like that everyday.

Hang in there Maria. I will be with you next week to attack your chicken cutlet with much gusto and also to counter Ms Taliban's comments about premarital sex.

I start work with Syed the Punda Bear next week at Bugis. Not looking forward to the hours but I am looking forward to having moolah at the end of the month. Especially when my sister's, father's and boyfriend's birthdays all fall on the same day.

The mother and boyfriend aren't very happy that I'll be working part-time while juggling schoolwork. The boyfriend offered to support me but its not only having the money but something to do I guess. I know this semester's supposed to be really tough. My sister's told me that many people drop out because they can't hack this semester.

But I need to have something to immerse myself in. It keeps me from thinking about you.

2005-11-10T06:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, I didn't know I was so loved. Alotta people have been messaging me to ask why they haven't seen me in school. Is my absence that noticeable? Whee!

Okay just for the record, I had flu a few weeks back which I ignored. Big mistake because it triggered off my asthma big time. Fever, cough, phlegm, the works.

So I'll see you guys in school next week okay? Much love.

PS. Alfie got into SHATEC! Hooray! I'm going to buy him zis cute widdle thing.

It's a "Kiss The Cook" apron! Cute right right right? And can you imagine him in it?
Teeheeheeheehee!

2005-11-08T04:51:00.000-08:00

I feel so empty.

He held me while I cried and hugged me to sleep. I'm not boasting or anything. I'm just thankful that he's there to see me through my shitty moments in life.

This year's duit is running through my fingers like water. Sigh.

I've got a high fever and godawful cramps. The only good point is that I've got a 5 day MC.

See you guys next week.

2005-11-06T08:11:00.000-08:00

Today's our sixth month. And today's the day.

I'm so sorry baby.

If I've been moody, I'm sorry. I've been overeating thanks to Alfie and Hari Raya and my kebaya's a bit too ketat. Nyeh.

He's following me around for the whole day even though I know he'll be tired. I heart him.

And I heart you for being there. Huggledypuggledy. Puggledypoo.

2005-11-02T22:50:00.000-08:00

Baby followed me to have dinner with the family for 2 consecutive nights. We ate steaks and ribs last night and nasi Bohari today with the stepdad's family. Oh, and he wore a baju kurung today! SUCCESS, SUDAH PUAS HATI! Last saturday he came over and my mum tucked him into bed in my brother's room. Haha. So cute. He's coming over on the 12th to help my mum cook for our first open house. Nyeahahaha. He's got himself into some mighty deep doodoo there. I'm wondering what fake project I can make up so that I won't have to help out. Malas siak. Macam mane ni nak kawin?

To everybody celebrating Hari Raya: Selamat Hari Raya, Minal Aidin Wal Faizin!

Am wondering how to ask everyone for forgiveness tomorrow without giggling. OH GOD, AM I SUPPOSED TO ASK FORGIVENESS FROM ALFIE. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, TANAK.

2005-11-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

Get over it already.

You'd love to delude yourself into thinking you were there for me but you weren't. Not really. You've behaved so abominably and been so bloody ungrateful that really, I wouldn't care if we never talked to one another again after this because I have reached the end of my tether.

2005-11-01T07:16:00.000-08:00

Pourquoi apprendre une langue étrangère quand vous ne pouvez pas parler même l'anglais ?

2005-10-31T09:09:00.000-08:00

Oh great. My mom found my cigarettes and confiscated them.

JUST FUCKING GREAT. I STOP SMOKING AND THE FIRST TIME IN 3 WEEKS I BUY FAGS, SHE FINDS IT AND TAKES IT AWAY.

AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH.

I told her it belongs to my sis but she won't back me up so if my mom asks me again, I'm just going to say I'm a social smoker.

Whatever the hell that means.

2005-10-31T08:40:00.000-08:00

"Cos this is a world where lovers often go astray...
But if we love each other, we will never go that way"
- 'Forever' by Damage

We spent the whole day together today and I talked to him about her. And though I can't agree with what he did, I can understand where he's coming from.

And I think we'll be fine. :)

PS. Exploring Contemporary Issues is a bloody waste of time. I should have taken Malay Society, man.

2005-10-30T08:40:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I'm acting this way. Maybe it's because a former flame who wrecked his previous relationship with another girl has suddenly started calling him up. I answered the phone the first time but from what I hear, rejection bounces off her pretty much the same way water slides off a duck's back. He assures me that there is no chance of a reunion and I am sure he loves me but does he love me enough to resist temptation especially when an opportunity hurls itself at him? When your relationship is put to the test, can you hope that he remembers how much you love him? Can you only hope that he loves you enough to not make you go through the pain of a betrayal?

It's only human nature to want more. And I know some of you will say that this could turn out to be good because our relationship could emerge stronger. And you would have a point. But I'm scared. I'm not scared of being alone; I'm scared of the pain that will haunt me if ever we should separate. I remember the heartbreak, the confusion and the tears when browneyedboy and I broke up. It took me 9 months to recover and start dating. But the scar's still there.

And you know what's even scarier? I don't think I loved him as much as I do Alfie. I've always had the upper hand, I never grovelled and browneyedboy was always aware that I wasn't afraid to leave. This is the first time I've thrown myself completely into a relationship, where his feelings are prioritized before mine, where I let feelings consume and direct me.

I just know that if things go bad, I'd be hit really hard this time. My sister says she once loved Riz the way I love Alfie and she says it'd be really hard to ever love anyone the same way again.

Oh yes, maybe I'd get over it. In a few months, a year, maybe even a few years. I'd even start to move on and start dating. But then what? Do the whole dating thing, settle down and then split up again?

But no, don't worry. Our relationship isn't in trouble and I can only hope that it remains this way. Alfie doesn't even know I'm feeling this way because he'd just dismiss it as me being overly-sensitive and emotional.

I'm just worried because she's a relationship-wrecker and I doubt she takes me seriously because of my age. You know what's even more fucked up? She just got married. I'm so scared, she's been around a much longer time than I have and I'm still a girl whereas she's a woman.

It's just not fair. Somebody make me stop crying. Somebody tell me it'll be okay.

2005-10-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

I am at a loss as to what to do for our sixth month. We may not be in the mood to celebrate but I think we can't let this pass without doing something meaningful.

So what now? I've given him self-compiled CDs, a ZIPPO lighter and we have our couple ring. Maybe we'll do an Angelina Jolie and carry a vial of each other's blood around our necks. Or we could get tattoos! Haha. My mother would disown me, man.

But then hor, I'm just scared someone will start copying me. You just piss me off. To no ends. If I told you I was going to get my boyfriend a dildo because he loves taking it in the ass (he doesn't la, I'm just hypothesizing), would you get one too? And get your names engraved on it while you're at it? YOU'RE SO FUCKEN STUPID, I DON'T KNOW WHY I BOTHER WITH YOU. I bet you don't even know what a dildo is.

- throws hands up in frustration.

Okay, all this anger is washing away the lovelywovelyloveydovey feelings I had previously.

Stupid bitch.

2005-10-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

Syed bumped into my mother at Geylang today. She said he's handsomer now (note: it is obvious that our preference for men obviously differ greatly here) and she was gushing about how he kissed her hand. Outraged, I confronted Syed about being a MILF hunter and he said he was just "salam-ing" her. Yeah right, likely excuse, pervert. I'm going to tell Hilyah, tunggu kau. -rolls up sleeves and prepares parang.

Just came back from town with the boyfriend. Do you know that in all the five plus months we've been together, I can count with both hands, the number of proper dates we've been on? Do you know how very sad that is?

Okay I had to transfer the Internet connection from my PC to my laptop because some pesky cockroach ran up my skirt! WAH, VERY CHEEKY HOR. I screamed bloody murder and the brother ran down with Baygon to kill it. I hate cockroaches. They're getting so daring nowadays. I’m half expecting to go upstairs to my room and find one tucked up in my bed or wearing my clothes or something. Bloody cheek.

Anyway, like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted…

We went to Bugis today and walked around for 2 hours aimlessly doing nothing. I brought him to Carl's Jr at Marina Square to break our fast. One of the bad things about dating an aspiring chef for a boyfriend is that he criticizes your taste in food and if the place where you choose to eat isn't good, you'll never hear the end of it come hell or high water.

But hohoho, today I triumphed! The burgers were the size of his face (seriously, expect to finish the meal only if you're bringing refugees from a third world country or something – they’re that big!), the portion of the fries were a lot more than we could finish and we had unlimited refills of soft drinks! Groovy bebeh! He felt really sick after finishing his burger (well, who wouldn't be? He almost ate an entire cow) So we left more than half the fries uneaten and walked around Marina Square.

Oh and I am going to throw away all my strappy heels and buy myself combat boots or something because it seems that every time I go out with a guy (whether he is a friend or something more), he'll inevitably step on my feet. But that's excusable, you say. Ordinarily, yes. Unfortunately, I have very brittle nails and they're very likely to break off and bleed. Which was what happened today. Alfiean stepped on my little toe and it bent over backwards and bled and I've ruined my bloody sandal. A few months ago, Syed stepped on my big toe and caused a blood clot under my toenail which I had to hide under layers of nail polish. It only disappeared when the nail grew itself out a few weeks ago.

Men are hazardous, I say.

Oh god, was I rambling? I'm so full I can't even think.

2005-10-25T07:11:00.000-07:00

I've got an ulcer at the back of my mouth and it hurts like a bloody motherfucker. Downing an entire bottle of Sparkling H-TWO-O doesn't seem to help any.

Hooked on Leela James's "Don't speak". Far better than No Doubt's, I must say.

This whole thing is making me emotionally unstable. I cried buckets today and over the smallest thing. I want it to be over soon and I don't want it to be over soon. This entry does not refer to Alfiean. I'm talking in riddles. Figure it out.

2005-10-24T08:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I went to Far East Sakura yesterday to break fast with Syed, Yihan, Serene, Ming, Maria and Fiona. Bumped into Inez and Farhan along the way who hurriedly told me they were going to break their fast with browneyedboy and his new girlfriend at the same restaurant.

PHWOAR. Since Yihan had made reservations, it was a bit too late to ask them to move. And I was just talking about meeting her a few weeks ago, why oh why oh why couldn't I have let well enough alone? Bad Naddy, bad.

Nevermind, everybody's seen her with him already. We didn't talk or anything but we did acknowledge each other when they left first.

I also bumped into Maya - a blogger and Faeza - a primary school classmate whom I can't remember much of actually. :\

Walked over to Taka with the gang and after most of them left, went over to Cineleisure with the girls. We ate chocolate fondue (my first time!). I love the frozen strawberries and the marshmallows but I think I'll stick to making my own at home next time. $25 for melted chocolate and a few measly bowls of fruit is daylight robbery, man.

Took some pictures but Ming isn't online and Fiona is ignoring me (-pout.) Managed to get this from Serene though. Maria looks like she wants to grab my boob. The pervert.

Am waiting for the boyfriend to wake up. He gets very guilty when I leave by myself so the mush factor should be pretty high this time around. Whee!

2005-10-22T02:23:00.000-07:00

I heart Alfie! <3

I was pissed off at the boyfriend for sleeping all throughout yesterday because it was his off day and I wanted him to spend the time with me instead. So I beat him on the head with my book and stomped home to sulk. Then my mom messaged me to tell me that she's staying over at her boyfriend's. PHWOAR. I WAS AT BLOODY SENGKANG ALREADY LOR.

By then, the boyfriend had already woken up and was saying he missed me and was asking me to come back but I pretended I couldn't. Managed to get the last bus back to Woodlands. Makes me wonder how much further I'd go for love.

Bought McDonalds for him, sneaked into his house (I've got my own key, see) and then surprised him. I like it when he's surprised. He's much nicer to me and alot more affectionate.

We watched Sex and the City till early morning and now I'm typing this while waiting for the mom to pick us up. We're going to Muhammadiyah to break our fast today because we're sponsoring tonight's dinner for the orphans.

I think it'll make me sadder if anything. I don't like seeing kids suffering. They're so innocent.

WHY DONT YOU PEOPLE PICK UP YOUR PHONES? I WANT TO GO OUT TODAY. RAWR.

Chris Brown's Run it is addictive. Girl indeed I can run it, run it.

Where is Mummy?

2005-10-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

A thingy I was dating before Alfie is now parading another girl's picture as his display pic in MSN. He boasted about how thin (read: penyek) she was and how she's from JC.

WOW BIG FUCKING DEAL SHE'S FROM JC. I looked at her friendster profile and the girl spells princess with a 'w' and two 'z's (read: pwincezz) so I guess that just proves how smart she is kan. I am so jealous. Really.

Oh, and congratulations. I don't think she's better than me like how you insinuated but she certainly is better suited for you.

Sorry beb, gua dah hilang respect sama lu.

2005-10-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to Pussycat Doll's Stickwityou and it reminds me so much of him.

But right now, that is not a good thing because we just fought. It's not one of our huge-ass fights and we're on talking terms but our conversations are so icy, there's no point really. So now it's a competition to see who will kowtow to the other first.

Sayang, I love you very much but you forget that I can be just as degil as you are. Plus, you cannot win me, because I have cable TV, Internet, books and Sex & the City on DVD to keep me from calling you up. -does chicken dance.

I have to give him credit though.

He accompanied me today and waited not-so-patiently for 5 hours for me to finish my stuff. And he made an unbearably distressing situation alot more bearable just by being there. And although it was horribly inappropriate for him to be there, he still did it anyway. He cracked jokes, laughed loudly at everyone, mimicked a rock star and now he's taken to talking like an out-of-work Malay sandiwara actor. It embarasses the hell out of me but it makes me laugh too.

He promises to accompany me for the entire day on Nov 7th - which happens to be our 6th month anniversary. And we can't do anything special on that day but nevermind. At least he'll be with me. It'll be memorable alright but not in a good way at all.

Uh oh phone's ringing.

2005-10-17T00:09:00.000-07:00

The boyfriend is asleep at home as I type alone from Admiralty MRT Macs.

I logged in late and I'm only given 2 choices for IS: Entrepeneurship and the Law or Malay Society: Change and Continuity. And both sound like they suck balls to be honest so I'm going to login again at 10pm to see if I can't get any better choices. I've got Exploring Contemporary Issues for the first half semester though and I'll be in Teo Teng Kwee's class. Anyone with me?

There go my dreams of taking French. The boyfriend said it wouldn't be of any use to me and it's all rather pretentious because I wouldn't really be able to use it anywhere. -smacks boyfriend with roti perancis. Obviously he doesn't know how sexy French people sound.

I'm not fasting today. And the temptation to eat is almost big enough to make me disgrace myself by eating in public. There's a mat next to me who is eating a Big Mac. I counted 3 dirty looks by makciks walking past in the last five minutes. HAH. KARMA, BEBEH.

Oh. He's smoking now. I wonder what's his excuse for not fasting. Maybe he's got his period. Hmmm.

2005-10-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

In some cultures, people shake hands when they meet after not seeing each other for a very long time. Or say a simple "hello". It seems to me that Malays on the other hand, whip out their most astonished expressions and exclaim (very loudly) about how much weight you've gained.

I went to Geylang and I met my entire paternal side of the family there. And all of them had the same reaction.

"Fuh, Nadiah, kusmangat. Makin tua makin naik badan." It's too depressing to even translate so I'm not even going to bother.

Now, I wouldn't mind ordinarily but the thing is, MY AUNTS AND THEIR CHILDREN ARENT KATE-MOSS-THIN EITHER. In fact, even I, in my fattest state, am still considerably smaller than they are. And prettier. And smarter. And did I mention how incredibly modest? Heh. Joke lah.

But I digress. Back to the issue at hand.

Hello makcik, at least I'm not constantly tugging my tudung over my face to cover the fact that I have a third chin. And let's not mention the fact that your daughters who are my age are twice my size and look like frazzled housewives who've already given birth to eight children. When your family poses for pictures together, you guys look like a movie poster for The Klumps or something okay.

And Cousin S may be thinner than I am but she has weird eyebrows and at certain angles, she resembles Marilyn Manson..

Do you know how Marilyn Manson looks like, makcik? Nah, tengok ni gambar ni.

HE IS A MAN TAU. AND YOUR DAUGHTER LOOKS LIKE THAT.

So I may be err, fleshy/mampat/oh alright you mean people, fat. But at least I'm don't pass comments about others when I'm guilty of the same thing myself. Because this is clearly a case of the pot calling the kettle black.

2005-10-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

I hate my new timetable. School from 3 to 5 pm on fridays? DAMN SUAY LAH.

Whoever's been organising the class schedules must hate my class alot.

I can't wait for school to start though. Along with the madness that is projects will be my freedom. I hate accounting for my whereabouts. Just because I'm not working this time around, you think it's okay to boss me around. It's not. It's always been an issue about money with you. If I'm working then I'm pretty much free to do whatever I want. But as long as I am under your roof and using your money, I am your little slave monkey.

I can't wait to leave this hell-hole.

2005-10-11T21:52:00.000-07:00

To say I'm fed up would be an understatement.

It affects me just as it affects you. And maybe you're blaming me because you think I'm not doing anything about it.

I don't know what I'm expecting, really. Sympathy probably. But it seems I'm not getting that. I don't know why. I'd expect it from you of all people.

I don't know if it'll be okay after this. I hope so.

2005-10-11T05:20:00.000-07:00

She's Nigerian and she looks like me.

Kind of makes me wistful about kids of my own. Of course, it'd depend on the guy I marry too. Alfiean and I kind of agree that if we were to have kids, they'd definitely be fat and asthmatic. But I reckon they'd be cute too. If they had curly hair and his eyes and smile.

Ramadhan has robbed me of the usual hugs and kisses the boyfriend showers me with. Perhaps that is why I am so cranky and bloody emo. I shouldn't complain. I hope it'll make us stronger.

There're so many things to say. And no one to talk to.

Theboyfriend has taken my laptop off to work. Darling if you're reading this: I miss you. Please don't snoop through my things. And remember to send in your application form. I don't want to remind you again.

2005-10-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

Just came back from Geylang.

Am trying to think of ways to drag the boyfriend there. My (real) dad has a shop there and says he'll give Alfiean a discount on songkoks and the baju kurung if he visits.

Also, I am trying to convince him to get matching couple baju kurungs. Cute kan, kan, kan? It's a turn on seeing guys dressed in full raya garb like the songkok, kain samping and everything.

The bad thing about geylang is that you have to make sure you're always dressed very nicely (which is almost impossible because you will DEFINITELY SWEAT) because during Ramadhan, the entire Malay population will be there and you never know who you're going to bump into.

Today I bumped into ex-schoolmates, thingies, a thingy's brother and my favourite aunt and her whole family. Last year, I bumped into my ex with some minah skank with straight, rebonded hair and a Giordano tank top. I'm not the confrontational sort but my sister was. Even though we were sandwhiched in the crowd, she managed to reach out an arm and twist his ear. Haha. During moments like these, I really do love my sister.

The good thing about Hari Raya kan, is the ogling, and being ogled at. Wa, I am super damn jealous of super damn jambu minahs. How do they maintain their waists when they have such big tits? I'M SUPER DAMN SAD OKAY.

I better go off to sleep, I have to meet the boyfriend early tomorrow morning. :
PS. I found the imitation of a Guess watch I've been eyeing since the start of the year. Theboyfriend promised to get the real deal for me but I've been waiting so long I finally got the mother to buy me the imitation one. $25 bebeh!

Mariaaaaa, you have to meet meeee. I bought you a preeeety preeety purse with many many butterfly. Don't say I don't sayang you hor.

2005-10-08T03:40:00.000-07:00

I dreamt I was sleeping in his bed and he was dancing around the room clad only in his jeans and singing Scatman's "We Gon' Make It".

Weird.

2005-10-07T08:58:00.000-07:00

He's being incredibly sweet. He says he wants to marry me and take care of me till I'm old.

Then again, I wonder how many girls he's said that to. You wouldn't think it but he was quite the player back then. Okaylah. Not player, really. But more like a serial bonker.

I wonder what it is with men and flings. Why do men always have this insatiable itch to bonk anything with tits? Erm, I meant females with tits. Fat men with tits don't apply.

And don't come all masochistic on me and tell me that it's okay because men are meant to fuck and girls are meant to be fucked. I WILL SLAP YOU SILLY, I SWEAR.

Okaylah. I'm being paranoid and for no reason, really.

But wah, sometimes when I think back of all the girls he's been with... eeeee, geram aku. I feel like yanking his hair or, or, giving him a swift kick in the teeth. Nah, ambik kau. You think that's painful? That's nothing compared to what I feel.

So when he says he loves me and he wants to marry me, does he mean it forever or just right now? How many girls out there are smirking at my naivety and saying "Hah, he said that to me too you silly bitch."?

Oh shit. He just sent me a damn sweet sms. Bleh. I'm feeling damn guilty. He says happy five months and that he loves me now more than ever before.

I'm sorry. I know I'm teetering dangerously into lunatic territory. But hor, I have good reason to because I am hormone soup at the moment.

Okay wait. Stop. I have a lovely boyfriend who will goreng ayam for me in the middle of the night because I have stupid cravings. He also rubs my stomach when I have cramps. He strokes my hair when I cannot sleep (and as you all know, my hair is super tangled, bless his brave little soul for trying anyway). And when I tengah semput, he will massage my back until my heartbeat returns to normal.

Wah, I just re-read this entry. I am very kecoh eh. I think I'm trying to distract myself from the main problem here. I guess we both know we'll be together for a long time after this and the thing is, I'm driving myself crazy with jealousy. Quite silly, really.

I just need to know that I'll be the last girl, that he'll be with me forever like he's promised to be. And for the right reasons.

And please don't misintepret this entry. He hasn't done anything wrong (oh well, not yet anyway). In fact, we're going really well. Which is why I don't even know why I'm writing this. Okay I better stop blabbering on.

I am searching the house for food and as usual there is none. Bestnyer.

2005-10-06T08:28:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I cannot say here. There's no use crying over split milk. No one to blame except me.

It's our 5th month tomorrow. What a way to spend it.

And I know what you're thinking. No, we didn't break up. He's being very sweet to me.

2005-10-04T17:45:00.000-07:00

"I swear, if I get one more MSN msg telling me Selamat Berpuasa, I'll throw a couple of ketupats into their faces. All so bloody overrated." - Chek Sal

I've finally linked Saliha. Why? Because she's hilarious, she sounds like a makcik and she has huge tits. How can I not like her?

So Ramadhan is upon us again.

Hari Raya hardly makes an impact on me now. I don't know if it's because I'm older that I'm more cynical.

I remember having butterflies in my stomach when I was younger and having to wake up early while the men in the family went to the mosque. We'd run around the house while trying to put on our baju kurungs and apply make-up. Back then, we'd actually ask our parents for forgiveness. I don't know about the others but I actually meant it when I asked them for forgiveness then.

And then came the fighting between the parents. I remember not too long ago, on the morning of Hari Raya, my parents had a huge argument and my father didn't bring my brother to the mosque. My mother slammed the door and stayed up in her room all day. My sister and I had to change out of our kebayas and we stayed home all day watching TV. I cried that day. I couldn't understand why adults could be so horrible and ruin a special day. I wasn't a child but such things do mean a lot to me.

I remember vowing to myself that my kids will never have to go through that. Because special occasions like Hari Raya only come once a year.

I try not to let bad memories like that creep up on me but I'm hoping that one day, that funny feeling in my stomach will be rekindled. And I haven't asked my mother for forgiveness for a few years now.

Maybe this year I will. I hope nothing cocks up this time around because I haven't had a proper Raya for a long time now.

2005-10-04T08:35:00.000-07:00

Came home early from the boyfriend's. Am now pissed.

Mother was yelling at me for spending too much time with him and for not picking up my phone. Wah, if you could give me the cash to get a better phone which doesn't jam so goddamn much maybe I wouldn't miss your calls. And you see your boyfriend everyday and you sleepover at his house too so I'm guilty of exactly the same thing you are. Talk of the pot calling the kettle black.

"But everytime I see you, I'd want to kiss you. Then how?"

The boyfriend has also announced that we can't see each other as much now because he doesn't want to give in to "temptation". So no holding hands, no snuggling into his arms, no more smelling his schtinkee neck. The girls are partying tomorrow and I had to turn them down. I could get through all these if I had cigarettes at bay... BUT I CAN'T SMOKE EITHER.

-goes into withdrawal spasms.

Okay, I shouldn't complain. It's going to be an extremely trying month. God, give me strength.

2005-10-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

List 10 random things about yourself:

1) I am a closet Britney Spears fan. And my favourite Britney song is "I'm a slave 4 U".

2) I am a kleptomaniac. I once stole a bell from the FMS office but put it back because Maria made me.

3) I once appeared on TV screaming my love for a now-extinct pop singer.

4) I want to get a bellybutton piercing.

5) I was in the school military band for four years and know how to play the euphonium.

6) I have crushes on some girls in Mass Comm.

7) I'm scared of cockroaches.

8) I don't eat tomatoes and I always take the second piece of chicken out of my McSpicy Double to be eaten individually.

9) I have a whole list of things to do before I die like learning a few other languages, learning how to play a few other musical instruments, going skinny dipping, giving my pigsty of a room a revamp and taking up belly dancing.

10) I have a bantal busuk.

2005-10-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

Villa Wellness, here I come.

After months of deluding myself and living in self-denial, I finally gathered up the courage to weigh myself and BLOODY HELL, I'M AT THE PEAK OF MY FAT PINNACLE.

-bawls in horror.

I'm at the heaviest I have ever been in my whole life and... and.. I can't fit into any of my bras anymore... which means I've upgraded a whole bra cup size! Wow, as if it wasn't bad enough that I'm fat already. I'm now a frigging D, can. I want to cry. I feel like a fricking hantu tetek or something (mythical malay ghost who has huge tits which she can actually unroll and hide little children in when they play outdoors at night)

I want to go for a breast reduction, I want to bind my breasts, I want to... oh, I don't know, isolate myself in my house like a hermit till I lose weight and go back to a C.

Oh wait, I just thought of something. I could find myself big-breasted girlfriends to hang out with so I'll look smaller! HA, I R TEH GENIUS! ALL HAIL ME!

I must, I must, decrease my bust.

2005-10-02T09:41:00.000-07:00

Nelly's Get It Poppin gives me a huge itch to run to the nearest club.

Anyways, the birthday celebration was a blast. We ate at Buckaroos' somewhere in Sembawang methinks. We ate massive amounts of cheesy fries, buffalo wings, seafood salad, clam chowder... and that was just the appetiser! Alfiean and I shared a T-Bone steak. He ate all the raw parts. Ugh.

Baby wasn't very happy that I wanted to drink the same thing as them. Then his dad and mum scolded him soundly for trying to restrain me and said that they wanted me to enjoy myself. Haha! I love it that they're on my side. His mum kept winking at me conspirationally while passing me her drinks and daring him to stop her.

Then his dad spoon-fed us the birthday brownie. By that time, I was smiling a little too widely and talking a little loudly. Ha, I think they knew I was high but they were too polite to say so.

He wanted me to stay over but I didn't think I could get away with it so I went home. I have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning and drag myself to his house again. Bleh.

My parents keep bugging me about wanting to meet his parents. And his parents want to meet my parents too. But it's freaking me and Alfie out. We're only five months old, don't people do this kind of thing when they're about to get engaged? And I'm kind of superstitious. We're doing good and I don't want to jinx it.

Okaylah, blur lah, I know. But it was taken with my handphone camera, okay. The boyfriend is talking about getting us new matching phones. I'm so spoilt. :D

2005-10-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

Hello handsome.

Phwoar. I'm cheating on my boipren. Heh. Nolar. This is Leslie. My lahling. His mother used to give me $30 facials and back when he was a skinny 13-year-old with scabby legs, he used to turn to me for help in English. Oh wait, he still comes to me for help with English. Hurhur.

The boyfriend has forgiven me and all is well. He kissed me on the escalator and then yelled at me for embarassing him when a makcik glared at us. Haha, sho cute.

Tomorrow is Alfiean's Dad's birthday. I'm going over to celebrate! We got him this gold Seiko watch. Oh, oh, oh, did I mention that Alfiean's mother buys me clothes and cigarettes? At times, Alfiean asks me whether I'm with him because I love him or because I love his family.

But sometimes, I do feel sad that I'm closer to his family than my own. I know mine's on the verge of splitting up what with the dad living on his own (and bloody hell, I kesian him so much but living with him would mean giving up so many things I hold so dear to me), my mom and brother are going to move in with the stepfather when they get married next year and the sister's busy with work. I'd probably get the house to myself but who needs an executive maisonette when you're alone?

Maybe this is my way of trying to make up for the family I'm losing.

2005-09-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

Please don't ~~plagiarithe~~ plagiarise me when you can't even string a proper sentence together.

Stop being so perasaan lah.

2005-09-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

I just realized what a huge family I'll be getting come next year.

After three months of talking and no action, we finally went to Plaza Singapura yesterday to get our rings. My name's engraved on his and his on mine. My ring looks a tad bit bulky on my small (and fat!) hand but his looks just nice on him. I also like the way our rings glint in the dark.

I was a bit down because I wanted the Charles Stefano rings but he said he'd get it for me for our one year anniversary. I know it's silly but him talking about a future that includes me makes me melt.

I stayed over last night and we watched The Longest Yard on DVD. While snuggling, I asked him whether he noticed that we hadn't fought at all for over a month (a real feat since we fight damn often and over the silliest, pettiest things).

But then I think my mulut must be masin because we fought today after one month of bliss. And it's all my fault. So instead of parting ways with our usual hugs, we both stalked off in opposite directions. Pfft. Old habits die hard.

So I may be working soon. Possibly with Leslie. Which means more ka-ching but less time for him and for myself. And I think I'm going to be sick very, very soon. I've got a wheezing cough, slight fever, aches all over and I sense asthma around the corner.

But it's okay because I've got a ring and I'm happy!

2005-09-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

I love you very much and I still care, despite what you think.
And no, this entry is not about Alfiean.

2005-09-27T09:06:00.000-07:00

My great-grandmother just passed away.

For reasons you could never fathom, I am feeling very wretched, very guilty and at the same time, very relieved. She isn't suffering anymore and thank God for that.

And yes, I'm alright but I'd just prefer to be left alone, thanks.

2005-09-26T08:48:00.000-07:00

"Nad, I need you to do me a favour. I need you to model for my final assignment. Please?"

And what was my immediate reaction?

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

She says it's because I look good in photos. Nabei, what's she trying to say. That I don't look good in real life? Pfft.

So tomorrow, me and Leslie will be heading over for a photoshoot methinks. Odd how fate throws me and Leslie together again. Back in secondary school, even the teachers thought we were a couple seeing as to how much time we spent together. Of course, the teachers weren't to know that I was actually sneaking into browneyedboy's house everyday after school. Hurhur.

That "Ada Apa Dengan Cinta" song is in my head again. God. I feel like such a minah jiwang.

2005-09-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

[[Currently listening to : The Turtles - Elenore]]

Just came back from sending him off to work. We're going shopping for couple rings next week! Ahh! Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait! 5th month, here we come!

2005-09-24T08:16:00.000-07:00

I think I should stop being such a little fool. I'm sorry. You'll never hear from me again.